2 down, 1 to go. Then I hope to find the person I will spend forever with. Can't wait.

Someone who makes me cry

I fucked up. I fucked up big time. We are never going to be friends. And the thing is... I haven't even cried. Not even tear up. Maybe he didn't mean that much to me anyway. Cool, now I can move on and find someone I care so much about that if I can't talk to them, it will make me cry. I want that.

Images

Tonight, I started sobbing when I saw this text. I deserve a guy who thinks the world of me. I deserve a guy who would do all that sweet stuff for me because he loved me so much. I deserve a guy who is selfless and show me that I matter most. I started sobbing because I knew that guy was never going to be you. You are not what I deserve.

What I Miss the Most

I kept thinking about the about all the cool things we used to do. I kept missing you.

I miss going to zoos and gushing over red pandas for hours.
I miss being the big spoon that kept you safe when we slept.
I miss living with you and watching Bones every night.
I miss playing My Cows and the License Plate Game (we still don't have Hawaii).
I miss our long walks.
I miss our car trips.
I miss the feel of the promise ring you gave me that never left my finger.
I miss the stoplight kisses.
I miss our plans of the future.
I miss our late night excursions to McDonald's.
I miss those beautiful lips.
I miss cuddling Cinnamon together.
I miss making everything a plural word and talking in baby voices.
I miss being called Honey Bear. A lot.
I miss our inside jokes so much.
I miss collecting your belly button fuzzies.
I miss helping you with problems.
I miss the times we got to truly be ourselves.
I miss the security and support I got when I needed it most.
I miss hearing about your day and what you hope to accomplish in life.
I miss your random facts and plethora of knowledge.
I miss the way we held hands.
I miss having someone who always understood me.
I miss giving you huge hugs and kissing your chest.
I miss taking care of you and always coming up with creative ways to feed you.
I miss our adventures.
I miss how we slept on a queen but cuddled so close we only used half the bed.
I miss sharing our love of really cute things from Reddit.
I miss the feeling of being complete.

I kept thinking about the about all the cool things we used to do. I kept thinking it was me missing you. But it wasn't. I miss the stuff we used to do. I don't miss you. I don't want to.

I decided to get a blog because of many reasons. Jenna was the one who kind of inspired me. She's only blogged a few times, but it seemed really cathartic. I have so many thoughts that go through my head in a day and I just want to write them out so I can eventually let them go. I feel like a lot of this blog will be thoughts about losing someone I really cared about(again). But hopefully, my blog will grow as I come to terms with my life. Sometimes I think life sucks, but other times I'm happy because I know everything happens for a reason and I believe I'm really going to be okay.